Recently, a simple question started a great conversation with my husband on a long drive one afternoon.
I was preparing to share with my Bible Study Group on the topic of building a foundation of peace in your marriage.
My thoughts had turned to Prov. 31:11: “…the heart of her husband safely trusts her.” In other words, she is a place of refuge to her husband.
I turned to Tom and asked him the questions I was planning to have the ladies ask their husbands. “How can I be a place of refuge to you? In what ways can I show my love to you in these areas: mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically? What makes you feel loved?”
I knew he would help me pull my material together for the Bible Study, but I was completely unprepared for the depth of sincerity and the appreciation he expressed over being asked the questions for us.
My man needs me to be his refuge!
Our conversation that afternoon covered a lot of ground: from the NHL to the bedroom, and left me realizing that it’s often the simplest things that mean the most.
When it all comes down to it, being my husband’s refuge is the most important thing I can do for him. It is providing that safe harbor in this crazy world of competition, financial stress, a personal crises. It is accepting failures and disappointments, and loving unselfishly in ways that are meaningful to him. Here is what he said:
“The truth is, refuge is what all guys want: They want a woman who loves and accepts them for who they are. Your marriage is the only relationship in the world where you don’t have to be on your guard, never showing weakness. Refuge is kind of what sex is about too: being completely one with a woman meets not just a physical desire, but the need to be intimately known and loved.”
Wow, he’s eloquent. He even managed to throw in a nugget about sex, and I appreciated it in a way that I hadn’t before.
The ladies in my class had some amazing conversations of their own that week. Some were afraid to broach the subject for fear of what they would hear. But all were completely astounded at the simple, yet profound things their husbands shared with them when asked. One husband simply wished his wife could bring him some cold iced tea when he was mowing the grass. “That would really make me feel good,” he said. “My grandma used to bring iced tea to my grandpa, and I always thought I’d like that, too.”
With tears in her eyes, she told our group, “I never knew that something so small could mean that much to him.”
So what does refuge mean to your husband? I encourage you to take a chance and just ask him, “How can I be your refuge?”
And then listen with your heart. You might be surprised by what you learn.